Ev's pre-trip paranoia
I should have realised after the first Caravan and Outdoors Home Show we attended that we were heading into uncharted territory. I don’t just mean the physical places we are travelling to. This is a whole new species of people. People I have never laid eyes on were talking to me like I was their long-lost cousin from the hills. Elli-May Clampett and co had nothing on these folk. They were sooooooooo friendly and free with their advice it was scary! Everyone had a ‘we do it better than that story’ and we had to listen to all of them. I don’t recall wearing any outward sign that said ‘I’m helpless in the camping field’ but Gary suggested shuddering and shrinking away from certain objects was a dead giveaway.
Did I mention we were at this show because Gary thought we were doing this trip in a tent???!!! He was talking tents – I was talking divorce courts. I will always be grateful to a social worker at the Royal Children’s Hospital that I work with describing tents in the outback as ‘snake magnets’. Said brave husband has only one phobia – snakes! I waited for the appropriate moment, dropped the catch phrase into conversation and hey presto... we were looking at caravans.
Next problem? Caravans were way too expensive so the compromise is this Jayco Swan camper trailer thingo – frequently referred to by me as the ‘tin thing’.
We did actually have a one night try in our camper-trailer in March for this mammoth trip around Australia. Unfortunately we had driven three hours to Port Fairy. It was a 4–1 vote against me for wanting to try it out in our driveway which I thought was most sensible so that I could sneak back into warmth or air-conditioning - whatever was necessary!
By 5am there were real tears. Clue: tears did not belong to Gary or the children. By 7am I was begging Gary to sell the van and go to Italy with the proceeds. Far warmer in June, great friends in Italy with first class accommodation and light on in the dirt and flies category.
If Caleb turned over at his end of the trailer our end felt like an 8.4 on the Richter Scale. We didn't have the right bedding and it turned cold over night. We forgot basics like outdoor chairs so we were stuck inside at the caravan park - five in the tin thing underfoot was unbearable. When it came to wash up after dinner there were no tea-towels – what dorks forget tea-towels? Do you know how many times one needs to go to the toilet during the night when one knows it's a mile away????? Many many times. I didn't have to run or powerwalk the next day - I had covered my kilometres during the night.
I couldn't get used to the fact that the canvass roof was only a foot and a half above our faces when we slept (er...tried to sleep). You know the sort of van where the beds slide out the end and they are surrounded by canvass? I'm sure it's what a coffin feels like - not that I've slept in one lately. Cremation is now on the agenda. I suspect coffins don't actually leak condensation on it's occupants faces at 4 in the morning. Nor would the occupants care I hear you say. Good point although I will not be taking any chance now in case I am buried alive! Cremation and a nice red rose bush on top.
Rachel's highlight was running outside to watch the van pee! The sink has to go somewhere and she thought this a great joke. Nine year old humour and not very ladylike I'm afraid.
One solitary night and I didn't cope too well on the Heard Richter Scale. Gary thinks we are going to survive in that thing for fourteen weeks! For twenty-three years we had a perfectly good marriage – why ruin a good thing? Gary mentioned we were going to keep a blog site – this will only happen if we don't kill each other before the posts are written.
Crocodiles, snakes, spiders and scorpions have starring roles in my nightmares.
I now have a shopping list a mile long and several hundred dollars later it may all be a tad more comfortable. My motto after this 24 hours from hell experience is “A COMFORTABLE CAMPER IS A HAPPY CAMPER” A close friend is proud of my progress – I can walk in to a Ray’s Outdoor City now without hyperventilating... for the first five minutes anyway.
Did I mention we were at this show because Gary thought we were doing this trip in a tent???!!! He was talking tents – I was talking divorce courts. I will always be grateful to a social worker at the Royal Children’s Hospital that I work with describing tents in the outback as ‘snake magnets’. Said brave husband has only one phobia – snakes! I waited for the appropriate moment, dropped the catch phrase into conversation and hey presto... we were looking at caravans.
Next problem? Caravans were way too expensive so the compromise is this Jayco Swan camper trailer thingo – frequently referred to by me as the ‘tin thing’.
We did actually have a one night try in our camper-trailer in March for this mammoth trip around Australia. Unfortunately we had driven three hours to Port Fairy. It was a 4–1 vote against me for wanting to try it out in our driveway which I thought was most sensible so that I could sneak back into warmth or air-conditioning - whatever was necessary!
By 5am there were real tears. Clue: tears did not belong to Gary or the children. By 7am I was begging Gary to sell the van and go to Italy with the proceeds. Far warmer in June, great friends in Italy with first class accommodation and light on in the dirt and flies category.
If Caleb turned over at his end of the trailer our end felt like an 8.4 on the Richter Scale. We didn't have the right bedding and it turned cold over night. We forgot basics like outdoor chairs so we were stuck inside at the caravan park - five in the tin thing underfoot was unbearable. When it came to wash up after dinner there were no tea-towels – what dorks forget tea-towels? Do you know how many times one needs to go to the toilet during the night when one knows it's a mile away????? Many many times. I didn't have to run or powerwalk the next day - I had covered my kilometres during the night.
I couldn't get used to the fact that the canvass roof was only a foot and a half above our faces when we slept (er...tried to sleep). You know the sort of van where the beds slide out the end and they are surrounded by canvass? I'm sure it's what a coffin feels like - not that I've slept in one lately. Cremation is now on the agenda. I suspect coffins don't actually leak condensation on it's occupants faces at 4 in the morning. Nor would the occupants care I hear you say. Good point although I will not be taking any chance now in case I am buried alive! Cremation and a nice red rose bush on top.
Rachel's highlight was running outside to watch the van pee! The sink has to go somewhere and she thought this a great joke. Nine year old humour and not very ladylike I'm afraid.
One solitary night and I didn't cope too well on the Heard Richter Scale. Gary thinks we are going to survive in that thing for fourteen weeks! For twenty-three years we had a perfectly good marriage – why ruin a good thing? Gary mentioned we were going to keep a blog site – this will only happen if we don't kill each other before the posts are written.
Crocodiles, snakes, spiders and scorpions have starring roles in my nightmares.
I now have a shopping list a mile long and several hundred dollars later it may all be a tad more comfortable. My motto after this 24 hours from hell experience is “A COMFORTABLE CAMPER IS A HAPPY CAMPER” A close friend is proud of my progress – I can walk in to a Ray’s Outdoor City now without hyperventilating... for the first five minutes anyway.
posted by revheard at 7:19 pm
1 Comments:
One suspects, by the time Ev comes back, that she will avoid Ray's Outdoors like the plague!! Or... she may be a convert. Time will tell!
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