Caravan Park Culture

All of you Happy Campers that said “Ev – you will love sleeping in the great outdoors – enjoying the sounds of the natural bush sounds and silence at its best” conveniently forgot to mention the “Caravanus Fibratus”. My boys and Gary all had their tonsils and adenoids out in 2001. This should be compulsory for anyone sleeping in camping grounds. At the very least you should be able to present a certificate at reception to place you in the snore free zone. Gary had his tonsils removed just in time. Apparently even being sleep deprived does not allow you to place a pillow firmly on another’s snoring face – our current court system openly frowns upon it. Coober Pedy was the worst. The guy next door not only snored loud enough to be heard 60 ft down a mine shaft but he had severe sleep apnoea which meant I was counting the seconds of him not breathing at all until he choked loudly to kickstart the whole process again. I wonder if he knows he’s stroke material!

The last three nights at Uluru we have been surrounded by tent snorers (nasal eruptus) and someone obviously dying from emphysema! Please God let someone invent the soundproof tent. The poor dingos haven’t been seen or heard for love nor money scared witless into the bush by the fierce snorting sounds emanating from within the canvas walls.

As for the wedge-tailed eagles at Uluru – none! They have snuck away suffering extreme self-esteem problems wondering about these huge metal birds with painted red kangaroos on their tails that fly in and out with monotonous regularity. No room for two kings of the sky.

Gary’s hands continue to look like they have been chewed by the cat- blood pouring from scratches on every finger. This setting up and ripping down camp to move along again is a bit of a health hazard. To combat frostbite and Gary-like injuries I wore my beautiful navy blue leather gloves purchased in Scotland some years ago to help with the process. My fine gloves now look as chewed as Gary’s hands – a tragic sight! As helpful as I am, I’m no longer allowed to wind up the electrical cord since it took Gary 20 minutes in the dark to undo the knots I supposedly put in to it. I’m relegated to ‘hold this pole, hold that pole’. I’ve also been banned from guiding the tow bar on car to the van – it was only a small scraping of metal and not much of a dent. Men are so paranoid about this sort of thing! Caleb and Gary have it down to a fine art – if they could only manage the rest themselves my gloves and I could retire in peace.

Accommodation aside, the hikes and sights seen are a daily treat and we are soaking up experiences that only this incredible land can offer. It might not be Rome, Paris or London but its uniqueness holds it’s own with any other great tourist attraction the world can offer.

The great news is our site at Kings Canyon is silent - apart from the howling dingos. Finally – the sounds of nature!